Where the Watermelons Grow
by xMikal
Summary: RvB Church/Simmons. A goofy little story I guess. Church stumbles upon a red soldier in an...unusual situation and things thus progress from there. More lemony as the story goes on. It might only be a few short chapters...we'll see.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: Well this is the beginning of something probably short. A little Church/Simmons, maybe something else, I have no idea. It will get a lot smutty as it progresses I assure you. This chapter is fairly light and kind of a point to start on.**

**As you know, I own nothing.**

"Caboose, you're on patrol tonight, and please. Please for the love of God don't fuck anything up." Leonard Church knew Caboose well enough to understand that in rare situations when Caboose was given patrol on his own, it most often ended with either a red infiltration or a runaway tank, or a fire, or the destruction of a base wall, or...

Well you get the idea.

On most nights that Caboose was scheduled for patrol he would put Tucker out with him, or even himself, but Tucker had the shift the night before and to be frank, Church just wasn't feeling up to it.

"Caboose, I don't want anyone, I repeat, ANYONE, coming in to this base. Do you hear me?"

The blue soldier didn't say anything but was facing towards him. From behind the helmet Church felt like the soldier was staring straight through him, or maybe not looking in his direction at all. There was no way of knowing. An awkward moment of silence slipped between them.

"CABOOSE!"

"Oh! Yes sir! I'm sorry, there was something glittery in the cave." Caboose's voice was distant as his mind was still very much focused on the shiny something.

"Great, great. Look Caboose I really need you to― Wait, what was that?"

"Something glittery Church! Do you think it's a present! I love presents. One time my great step aunt twice removed but then remarried into the family through my third cousin on my mother's side, once gave me a―"

Church wasn't listening, not in the slightest. Raising his pistol up, he peered over at the cave, searching for whatever the other was distracted by. At first, there was nothing at all, and then he saw it. A slight glimmer that was barely released from a reflection of the moonlight. 'Well hot damn...'

"Caboose, shut up. You stay here, guard the base, and I mean actually guard it. I'm going to go check out the cave. Those dick-kissing reds are up to something." Church spat the last words as he put his pistol away and retrieved an assault rifle. In less than a moment he was dashing off towards the cove.

"You got it sir, no one is getting into this base!" Caboose yelled after him, then went on to whistle some tune that neither had probably heard since they were young.

* * *

Church's footsteps hit the ground lightly, almost like a trot, as he made his way quietly towards the cave. "Those goddamn reds, what the hell are they up to? It's 2300 right, now, we never strike at night."Church had to stop a moment to mull that thought over. Why did they never strike at night? If they didn't, then why did they even have patrol? It's not like there were aliens running rampant around the canyon, just a lot of lazy marines who didn't have the luck of the draw and were thrown in a war that didn't even have a true objective.

He felt the anger welling in his stomach, chest and then head as he thought about the pointless circumstances they were all in. By the time he reached the cave, he thought he would explode into a thousand pieces, or maybe even implode into nothingness. When he found those reds he was going to slit their throats one by one and bash their heads in with their own helmets and end the war once and for all.

With the thoughts of ravenously slaughtering the reds, he wasn't even really paying attention anymore as he absentmindedly navigated through the cave with the small bit of light that was emitting from his helmet. Without any warning, since his eyes didn't see a reason to search the ground, he stumbled over...something...and came crashing to the ground, assault rifle skidding across the cave floor. As his head hit the rock beneath him the light in his helmet shut off, leaving him immersed in total darkness.

"Shit! What the fuck?" Church said angrily but his voice had a hint of apprehension to it. His hands searched frantically for his rifle but it must have been just out of reach because it was nowhere to be found. He reached up to try and turn his helmet light back on, but only a small, miniscule fraction of light made its way into the cave. 'Goddamn piece of shit helmet, one blow and the light's fucking broken.' However it wasn't really anger that he was displaying, rather fear in being caught in a mostly dark cave that might be housing the enemy.

Pulling out his pistol, Church went up on one knee and started to examine his surroundings. "What the hell kind of rock did I trip on?" he mumbled to himself as he tried to see with his broken helmet light. Turning to look where he come from, he found not a rock, but a helmet. A red helmet at that. He couldn't quite see the exact color of it though without proper lighting. Confused, he slowly got to his feet and practically tiptoed forward. Only a moment was spent trying to locate his assault rifle. With his luck and with this light he was never going to find it. He labeled the search as a lost cause and continued on, deeper into the cave.

As he made his way further in, he found more sections of red armor and faint sounds from the darkness. The pieces were scattered everywhere. First he came across arm plates, then chest plates. He even found the plating for the lower half, but his suspicions reached their peak when he found the upper half of a military issued under armor and a sniper rifle to boot.

He kept his pistol at eye level, not really sure what to expect as the muffled sounds grew louder. Leaning over hesitantly with his pistol still ready to fire at any moment, Church picked up the sniper rifle and put his pistol back in its holding place. Heavy breathing echoed softly on the walls and another noise came, one that he thought he may recognize but couldn't quite convince himself it was the same.

'Do I call out?' he asked himself silently. He wasn't sure if he should remain hidden or let it be known that he was right here out in the open. 'The reds must have been watching us with that sniper all goddamn day...' the thought unsettled him. What had they seen? What could they see with a sniper from this vantage point? Church had been in the same location before but never with a sniper aiming at his own base. Feeling immensely uneasy, he switched the light off on his helmet and held the sniper up to view through the night vision equipped scope.

Inching on as quietly as he could, the heavy breathing progressed into panting, but even with the sniper, still no sign of anything or anyone. Church could feel it though, whoever was there was close by and the sounds created a knot in his stomach and the heat rose to his cheeks. Swallowing hard, he approached a corner in the cave and as hesitantly as humanly possible, he turned the corner and through the scope saw a moaning male leaned up against a wall.

Church froze immediately. His throat went dry and he felt his body trying to tremble but did his best to suppress it in order to not be heard. Hands held the gun so tightly, he feared he might break it as the scope remained firmly pressed against his visor.

Before him stood a thin, lean body, toned and with a heaving chest, bottom under armor pushed down to the middle of his thighs. Moans left the man's lips as his hand pumped vigorously on his shaft, nothing on the side of gingerly. Church felt like he should say something, anything, take the man hostage if anything, but couldn't bring himself to move. He could feel his heart pounding against his armor and his breaths were becoming a little ragged.

Church was clueless as to which red it was. After all, he had never seen any of the reds out of armor, and it was too dark to see the color of the helmet he had stumbled upon earlier on. Even if he did know, what would that information bring him? What would he gain from knowing? It couldn't be their CO, the man was too tall. It couldn't be the yellow soldier, he'd like to think he would have been able to distinguish that even in the poor lighting. That left their rookie and the other one...what was his name...

His thoughts were cut short as the other one let out a coarse cry. The soldier's heaving had reached a peak and his movements slowed, then ceased. It was hard to make out details in the slightly hazy scope, but Church knew what had happened and he could feel an uncomfortable pressure in his lower armor, so he shifted to try and readjust. However, just as he did the red soldier looked right in his direction, eyes wide in horror.

"Who's there?" The voice choked as he hurriedly pulled up his lower armor. Church did his best to try and stay still in order to remain unheard from the enemy, and he watched as the other searched the ground for a weapon, obviously forgetting that he had discarded anything of value a ways back.

"Hello? Don't fuckin' get close to me I have a sniper! I'll blow your fuckin' head off point blank!" Church smiled a little at the comment, knowing it was a lie, but once he saw the man pick up an assault rifle, Church quickly fled. Fighting in the darkness, especially with guns would lead to nothing but two dead soldiers.

His footsteps pounded against the floor as he heard haphazard firing from behind him. "You better fucking run!" the voice called after him and Church made his way out of the cave in less than half the time it took him to make it in. He couldn't get the image out of his mind. The half naked male using the wall as a support, the frantic movements of his hand and the labored breathing...Above all, watching as the male finally reached his peak. The cry, the cry of sweet release burned in his mind. Doing the best to force it out he just pressed on faster, ignoring the throbbing pressure against his lower armor.

Upon reaching the base, Caboose and even Tucker stood just outside the ramp waiting for him.

"What the hell happened in there?" Tucker said, obviously annoyed that he had been woken up.

"We heard gunshots! Did the shiny things shoot bullets?" Caboose said worriedly.

"It was just a red hiding out in there, I think they were spying on us...It's alright though, I scared him back to base and got his sniper..." Church's voice trailed off, half in the conversation, half in shock at what he had witnessed in the cave.

"Tucker, get back to bed, Caboose, just...continue on..."

And with that, Tucker went back to his room, Caboose stood as solemnly as he could on guard and Church retired for the night.

**End note: Okey, well...I have more to post still in following chapter(s) can't decide how long this is going to be. It will probably get progressively more smutty though. Think of this as a...teaser of sorts. :]**

**Until next time, adios!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Howdy ya'll! Here's the second installation of that story thing I'm doing, again, just a little more...risque, but I think the next chapter will be the last one and boooyyyyy what a treat that'll be, I hope.**

**You know nothing belongs to me.**

Simmons had made his way to the cave in the early evening after Sarge had yelled at Grif to go out to the post and Grif had violently refused.

"Well, Simmons, I guess that means yer goin' out there. Probly fer the better anyway, Grif probly woulda' fucked it up." Simmons recollected his CO's orders.

"But Sarge," he had said, "How in God's name could he mess up? You're sending me to spy on their base for no reason. They're just over there, standing and talking. That's all they ever do! They just stand around and talk and then when nightfall hits, they're going to go inside and leave someone on patrol who will probably just stand there and talk to themselves."

"Simmons, that's enuff frum you. Git out there and spy on 'em."

"Yes, sir." Simmons had reluctantly said before he grabbed his sniper rifle and made his way to the high entrance of the cove.

He had been out there since the sun was getting close to setting and he was right. At this point he had made his way through the same children's song with at least 10 different endings, at least 47 times. "Have you ever seen a whale with a polka-dotted tale..." To say the least, nothing had happened thus far. Just the blues, standing around and talking. Why didn't anything ever happen in this war? He should be out fighting aliens along side Master Chief, and instead he was stuck in a box canyon with no actual objective to follow.

"I signed up to kill aliens, not to watch a bunch of blue fucks jerking off" he grumbled to himself.

Shortly after his comment, two blues walked out of the base. One standard issue blue and the other...teal? It seemed a little feminine, but obviously not as bad as Donut's lightish red armor. Zooming in, he found that of course, the two were just standing and talking, well bickering maybe. The teal soldier's body movements made it seem as though they were blatantly annoyed while the rookie's arms waved about as though he was telling something incredibly exciting.

Suddenly, there was a flicker of movement at the corner of the scope's view.

Quickly repositioning himself, he searched for the source and found a cobalt colored soldier exiting at the back entrance of the base. The soldier seemed to be...sneaking out? If he remembered correctly, that was their CO and what reason would he have for sneaking around? It didn't make any sense. The scope zoomed closer in and Simmons gave all of his attention to the CO.

"What are you up to..." Simmons murmured and watched intently as the blue made his way to a mostly secluded corner of the canyon. From any other location, he would have been impossible to see, but from the cliff's vantage point he had a direct view of the blue's every movement. Simmons watched as the blue set down his assault rifle and looked conspicuously back and forth before reaching up to remove his helmet.

'I could kill him right now...' Simmons mulled the thought over in his head. He could kill their CO right now, and from the looks of the way the other blue interacted, they wouldn't stand a chance on their own. In fact, they would probably tear each other apart and save the reds the time and the effort of killing them. He could win the war right now and go home a war hero with honors. Or at the very least, they may let him fight in some real battles. It was a terribly tempting idea to say the least.

Simmons hit the zoom one last time, aiming for a perfect head shot as the helmet unlatched and was removed. However, just as he was about to pull the trigger, he caught site of the man's face and found that his hands had froze. The soldier was looking directly at him. Well, he knew that it was unlikely, if not impossible for the blue to see him in his sniper nest, but nevertheless, through the scope a set of blue eyes were looking straight at him. Simmons lowered his gun for a moment and took a deep breath. He had to do this, for the reds...But could he really kill a man after looking straight into his eyes?

Raising the sniper once again, he aimed for the blue, but was completely disorientated when he was greeted with the site of the cobalt soldier removing the plating of his lower armor.

He lowered the rifle again, this time unsure if he wanted to look back through. Once he gathered his thoughts, Simmons raised the rifle and focused back on the bickering blue and teal soldier. He watched for a moment as the teal one clenched his fists, but the regulation blue one seemed entirely unaware of the level of annoyance he was causing his teammate. It really wasn't anything different than what he had been watching a little earlier in the evening. By now the sun was halfway through setting and a reddish orange glow was engulfing the canyon. Nightfall would hit soon and the blues would go back into their base to sleep for the night...all of them.

Simmons hesitantly moved the sniper to aim at the secluded corner once again, this time to be met by the site of the black haired male stroking his erect member. Instead of looking away though, like he had several times before this moment, he held his position as the rifle began to shake in his hands. Was he gay? He didn't think so...but he didn't remember the last time he had seen anything remotely sexual, and there was something entrancing about it, and something terribly taboo about sitting on a cliff and watching it in secret without his subject knowing.

He bit hard down on his lip as he watched the CO wrap his fingers around his shaft and begin to administer slow but deliberate tugs. The soldier had barely pulled down his under armor, and most of his outer armor was still on. He had removed just enough so that he could perform his task at hand, nothing more. Simmons watched as the man's face contorted with pleasure and felt his own erection begin to push against his armor. His breathing staggered as he continued to watch the blue jack himself off, each motion of his hand becoming rougher and deteriorating in rhythm.

"A little faster..." Simmons whispered hoarsely to himself, finding himself mentally trapped by the blue's movements.

Simmons' pulse hammered in his chest as the cobalt soldier pumped his hand faster and faster. The soldier's back started to fall against the rock behind him as his held tilted back towards the sky, eyes closed and faced scrunched up in pleasure. His jaw began to fall slack as he seemed about ready to yell out in ecstasy and his free hand reached down to fondle his girth.

Just as he thought the cobalt soldier was ready to finish, he saw another flicker out of the corner of the scope. "Shit." He turned his rifle to look in the direction of the movement and found the other blues making their way in the CO's direction. Their heads turned back and forth, both obviously looking for their commander. Turning the sniper back to the hidden soldier, he found the man leaning against the rock, obviously already finished and recovering. "GOD DAMNIT." Simmons yelled inside his helmet, aggravated beyond reason that he had missed the man finishing. "Fucking cockbiting..." he shifted back to the blues and realized they were still heading in Church's direction. Undoubtedly they would find their leader in this incriminating situation and then never again would the solider be found doing his deed in that far end of the canyon.

"Quick. Quick think think think..." Simmons hurriedly rushed his thoughts as the blues came ever nearer to the exposed CO.

"!" The red panicked and without thinking pointed up into the sky and fired his sniper.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!" Tucker yelled from below. Immediately falling to the ground and putting his hands over his head.

"Maybe it was Church." Caboose added, still standing dumbly out in the open.

From his hidden location, Church startled and his eyes shot open. His relaxed posture went straight and he hastily pulled up his under armor and replaced the outer plating.

"What in god's name...Caboose..." Church scowled as he picked up his gun and replaced his helmet. Walking out from behind the rock, he was greet by his comrades. "Which one of you dickshitters fired that fucking gun?" Church said over their radios.

"What, we thought it was you." Caboose replied.

"That wasn't you?" came a baffled Tucker.

"Not that wasn't me...No one was hit though? Those god damn reds. Dumbest pieces of shit..." Church rambled off for a moment before the last ray of the setting sun almost blinded him through his visor. From the looks of it and his knowledge of the sun setting, it was a little after 2200 and time for the team to get some sleep.

"Well anyway..." the teal soldier trailed off for a moment as he stood up and repositioned his gun comfortable in his hands. "Who's on patrol tonight?" his voice seemed to lend to the idea of not wanting to do it in the slightest. "I mean, I did go on patrol LAST night, so I obviously shouldn't have to tonight, that would be fucked up."

Church let out a heavy sigh. "Alright Tucker, damnit, just go to bed."

His eyes warily turned towards the other blue. "Caboose, you're on patrol tonight, and please. Please for the love of God don't fuck anything up." He paused for a moment. "Caboose, I don't want anyone, I repeat, ANYONE, coming in to this base. Do you hear me? CABOOSE!"

"Oh! Yes sir! I'm sorry, there was something glittery in the cave."

"Great, great. Look Caboose I really need you to― Wait, what was that?"

"Something glittery Church! Do you think it's a present! I love presents. One time my great step aunt twice removed but then remarried into the family through my third cousin on my mother's side, once gave me a―"

"Caboose, shut up. You stay here, guard the base, and I mean actually guard it. I'm going to go check out the cave. Those dick-kissing reds are up to something."

"You got it sir, no one is getting into this base!"

Is he...Simmons looked through the scope again. "Oh fuck..." It was obvious that with the sun setting and with the oversized alien moon coming out, his armor must have given him away because the regulation blue soldier was looking straight in his direction, and then the cobalt soldier turned and did the same. "Shit shit shit on a stick..." Simmons spurted out and contemplated what to do. His mind was quickly made up though as soon as he saw the CO turn and begin to head in his direction. Without hesitation, he turned and began to run into the cave, leaving his helmet behind on the ground.

During the course of his retreat deeper into the cave, Simmons lost his direction. In the darkness he must have missed a turn somewhere because he reached a point in which he had not the slightest clue where he was going. Too scared to backtrack in fear of running face to face into the blue, he continued on and tried to find a tunnel that may lead him back to his own base. Simmons had managed to strip off most of his armor during the trek, even going as far as to leave his sniper rifle behind. The cave was hot and stuffy, or maybe he was just having a panic attack of sorts. Either way the farther he went, the more almost...claustrophobic he felt and he compensated by removing more and more armor, trying to cool himself down. The man even reached a point in which his sniper and his assault rifle were just so damn heavy, he had to put the sniper down to try and conserve his energy because carrying the two was just too exhausting.

Eventually, Simmons felt that he was far enough in the cave to take a breather. He had ran for what felt like forever, and he'd been walking even longer. If the blue was looking for him, he would have long ago given up on his search.

His back pressed itself against the cool rock that made up the wall of the cave and he let himself just breathe for a few moments. Today had been too strange and too hectic for him. His heart felt like it was going to explode, and not just from the physical exertion. No, the entire time while he had been running and walking into the darkness, he had the image of the cobalt soldier burning in his mind.

**End Note: Enjoyable? I hope. Be prepared for some...lemony things in the next chapter ooooooof**

**Where the Watermelons Grow**


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